WTF is John Mayer thinking? And Is He Thinking With His...(CAUTION: Mature content)

WARNING; R-rated content. If you're not old enough to be reading Playboy, don't read this post. Seriously.

It's hard not to be fascinated by an interview that includes the question

"If you didn't know you, would you think you're a douche bag?"

Grammy-winning singer John Mayer has given a pretty gritty interview to Playboy in which he talks about many things, including Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, his love of porn, his d**k, and why he doesn't date black women.

What? Back up there. His what?

Yes that's right. His fireman.

The interview is pretty raw. In fact he's already apologizing for it, and for a racial slur that appears in his remarks. "I am sorry that I used the word." he said on his Twitter feed. "And it's such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me me to think I could intellectualize using it."

We don't even play John Mayer's songs so I guess this doesn't directly affect me, but some of this stuff just begs for comment. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Speaking of fish -- smells like fish anyway -- he describes Simpson as "sexual napalm" and says that clearing her cache is as addictive as crack cocaine .

I don't even know if that's a compliment or a slam. Jessica Simpson is by most accounts a sweet woman who doesn't trip off on her enormous star power. But there's something about her that just gets up my ass. She broke onto the scene as a Christian singer but seemingly forgot about that audience when her handlers figured out she looked good in a tight shirt.

Not that I'm one to cast the first stone. I'm sure it's certainly possible to be devout and still have a major league rack, so in fairness I'll give her a pass on that.

As to Aniston, Mayer believes she is a technophobe who would like to go back in time a decade or so to the height of her fame. Well, she hasn't really done jack shit since "Friends" so who could blame her?

But as to his thingie -- Okay, I'll just say it. Most Playboy readers are men. Men who want to see women wearing few or no clothes.


We don't want to hear about your dick.

If you insist on talking about your dick, go do it in Cosmo. Or do what everybody else does. Call a freaking 900 line. And for pity's sake, have a little discretion when you discuss the women in your life. Nice stuff to be saying right before Valentine's Day. Apparently your manners suck as intensely as the napalm queen. And I'm not even going to get into the N-bomb.

You do know you're not going to get laid much anymore, right? Every woman you're intimate with is going to feel pressure to perform like a Mack truck, so don't expect to get your Peterbilt too often, so to speak.

Ahhh, screw all that. I'm just jealous. Get all the rock star nookie you can. Life is too short 

Here are some excerpts from the interview . They're a bit gritty.

Jessica and Jennifer

The N-word