WHAT Day Is It?

For a holiday-lovin' fool like  me, it's paradise. Whoo hoo!

Quatro de Mayo is here! We're celebrating it on the Hill today, As best I can deduce, it's basically "Cinco de Mayo is tomorrow, but let's have the party today because who wants to drag themselves up here on Saturday?" Should be a lot of fun. We really do have a special group of people in the South Central family. Can you tell I'm trying to bank some goodwill points? I'm say all these nice things because with my luck, if I do stay awake long enough to attend, I'm liable to fart around someone important, which is nowherere as funny as when it happens on TV.

I was pondering this homemade holiday, when at the stroke of midnight, several Twitter and Facebook friends greeted me with "Happy Star Wars Day!." I note this for two reasons; 1) It tells me that  have a lot of geeky social media friends, and, (2) It also tells me that they apparently think I'm geeky enough to appreciate a good sci-fi holiday wish at the first opportunity. So here we are on Star Wars Day, May 4 (May the Fource be with you... get it?) Don't look at me; I didn't come up with it. But it's one of the many designer holidays that dot the calendar. It's getting quite crowded.

Now, some of these are just silly. It's bad enough that we just staggered through the fog of 4/20, the stoner "holiday" which reinforces every lazy slacker underachieving clueless wouldn't-recognize-reality-if-it-wrapped-itself-in-a-Zig-Zag-paper-and-jumped-between-your-lips stereotype of the pot smoker. It was soon after this day was established that the acronym "SMH" came into common usage. Unless you actually have a show on MTV, it is a bad idea to walk through the world acting like Beavis and Butthead... and a really bad idea to expect a holiday in observance of your dumbass-ish-ness.

National Tuba Day-- which also today --, now THAT's a real celebration. Maybe it's time to bring back "Tuba For Tuesday" on the WABX Night Service? I still have the music bed somewhere.

But just this weekend, look at the gastronomic bounty of celebrations. Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. It's a legitimate holiday, firmly rooted in history. Okay, I'll give you that one... in theory. But I'll betcha not one out of ten people you meet today could tell you the backstory to it. Instead the local custom is to observe it as "Eat, Drink And Raise Hell At Hacienda" day. (For the record, you could choose a lot of worse ways to spend a Saturday.) In addition, it's also "Oyster Day", as a well as "National Hoagie Day." Predictably, May 6 is "No Diet Day," undoubtedly established by default after the previous day's gluttony.

The coming week also contains, on consecutive days, "No Socks Day," and "Lost Sock Memorial Day". Wouldn't it be simpler to have them on the same day? I mean. isn't it disrespectful to wear hosiery on the day we honor those lost socks which disappeared into the dryer, never to be seen again?

Although it never has been formally declared, I woiuld hope that following two sockless days, people will choose to observe "Wash Your Sweaty Feet, You Smelly Bastard" Day. This optional but much-needed observance is followed by "Eat What you Want Day," also known as "Didn't We Just Do This At Hacienda On Cinco De Mayo?" day.

I should point out my own contribution to posterity. On December 4, 2009, I declared it to be Pinch a DJ on the Ass Day, a worthy sentiment if there ever was one. A fellow has to do what he can, after all.

So celebrate, whatever, wherever and however you choose. (For the ladies, I really, really recommend that DJ ass-pinch thing. It's quite a lot of fun.) No matter what you do, there's no need to worry. Somewhere, there's a holiday that will make your actions seem quite normal.

Happy Whatever!